Good morning McLeod Ganj

Sometimes I'm a bit lucky. Sometimes I end up in places I completely had no intention of ending up, but I should have ended up there had I actually planned it.

The thing is I knew I was going to Dharamsala (DharamSHala) to hang out with some Tibetans and that McLeod Ganj existed somewhere around there (I figured it was walking distance or something of the like) but sometimes that "Oh, it'll be alright" thing i do is...hm... wrong.

McLeod Ganj is actually part of Northern Dharamshala and is 9 km apart (eh..north) from lower Dharamsala. And they are very different worlds.
McCleod Ganj is the actual home of the big DL, his holiness, and is rather more pleasant than the lower lands.

So.

On this early chilly morning after a night of endless headache (and mild nausea once we hit those Himalayan foothill curves of road) i had the good fortune of ending up in McCleod Ganj.
I hadn't even realized this until after I found a room to stay in and began breakfast actually. I was studying maps, guide book copies, and overhearing some conversation while slurping down some Tibetan tsampa.
I was precisely where I wanted to be.
but of course.

I had two days here and the game plan included eating as many different Tibetan dishes as I could, meditation, cooking class, buying something called "Green Tara" (I came to discover what this was exactly), and yoga.

I was pumped, if a bit sleepy, and energized by a tasty breakfast as I set out to explore this mini-Tibetan world.

it was very innocent really. a bit child-like. i was to learn and learn lightly - not much else. i say this because tibet is one of those 'issues' we - as westerners, an average westerner anyway - hear about enough to note that its another shitty thing about the world - another shitty thing to go right up there on the shelf with all the other shitty things in the world and not really thought more.

i had (nor have) no (any) intention of saving anyone or anything, certainly not entire people or country.
really - ive long since lost that desire to 'save the world'.
im in a 'saving myself' period - if you will.
and im okay with that.

but i will say. in advance of the actual events of this story -that something did hit me. i say hit, not touch, because it was a loud and assertive reach into some detached corner of me. i, who rarely panics, and prefers to stand aside.
and this is all an indulgence, i beg forgiveness for distracting from the flow of my silly stories, but most people dont think this of me. because i volunteer and do little things here and there. but generally, my level of involvement, true leadership, is minimal. people find even what i do to be worthwhile and i wont negate it, but i know, perhaps in that detached corner of me, that its not enough and some others only find it enough because they function from a different perspective. of what is worthwhile in the course of life, in the use of their time.
nothing is right or wrong here.
and i apologize for any unclarity. (i need time to consider certain thoguhts and elaborate)
but to each her own. and we all see the simplest daily functions differently.
yet im rarely satisfied.
there is always more to learn, more to see, and certainly - certainly - more to do.
the line comes when one 'helps' out of guilt (whether fully acknowledged or not, guilt can be rather subtle) or out of genuine interest.
of true want.
and i firmly believe we are all selfish in the end.
but at the end of this day. this first day in mccleod ganj.
i wanted to be here.
it was very simple. i just wanted to be here.
talk with them. learn anything they were willing to teach me.
and sit in their presence.
it might sound simplistic (and mildly ridiculous? or cliche - where is the greater sin i wonder) to word it in this way, but it is so.
and i wanted these things not because i found them superior or supernatural in any sense.
we sometimes view a culture as collectively inspirational and forget they are simply people, capable of all that every human being is capable of in this world, both for good and bad.
and they have daily needs and wants of their own.
with no obligation at all to indulge mine or those of anything other outsider.
but i -felt good-.
i felt good. i felt light.
for just a bit and i had not even realized it until the day after. truly processed it.
my rational mind had already been curious, as im nearly curious about every damned little thing, but it isnt often something truly grips the other bits of me - long enough to keep me thinking on it for days to come.
but i write this days after, on a train to agra and tears have the irritating habit of appearing, and i would give anything to sit in another english conversation class.. even just an hour.
to feel that lightness again.