Thoughts mid-scrub

so it occurs to me - after i just uploaded a few more blog entries.
that perhaps ive been bitching a bit much lately.
have i?
our minds tend to dwell on the negative and so i hope i have not seemed horribly discontent.
im rather the opposite actually.
but there is the worry.
a misrepresentation.
its such a difficult thing.
this attempt at expression.
when for every thought i have a dozen others and truth is annoyingly relative.
concerning my scattered mind and each passing moment.

these are the things one thinks about when squatting on a dimly lit closet of a bathroom occupied by a fair number of cobwebs and feathers (Michiko and i suspect there are pigeons living in the crack of the ceiling) scrubbing away at the grime of a Kolkata day.
ive come to love my bathing via bucket.
water conservation and all that.
when at an acceptable temperature at least.
the luxury of being american.
i can save the planet when it suits me.

back to the bitching.
i only feel the need to clarify perhaps - well whatever i think in my mind might need clarifying but is not actually making itself clear to me at the moment -
that india is lovely.
in that all places are inherently lovely.
ad the onus is on the passing traveler to learn precisely how.
and i have only come to experience (i couldnt even say know - how does someone come to -know- an entire country or even city or even corner in simply three weeks? well perhaps the corner... full of red betel spittings....)
a small piece of this place.
and while i rant at moments. its one subset of emotion in the midst of many.
very very many.
and while my body may feel the need to vomit as we pass yet another pissing man (really the number of men ive seen pissing in the streets is possibly more than ive seen my entire lifetime) and walk over his hot fresh stream flowing downhill - i wonder what it would take to change this.
in an abstract sense i wonder these things.
ive read a little. only a little.
to get a general overview of the government set up. the economy. healthcare.
public health for that matter.
its all a bit of a jumble in my head really.
hard to tease out much of anything.
so dont ask me.
youll get a blank stare.
but despite that.
i get that its hard to run this country.
thats my summary. (clever. why yes i am.)
hard. difficult. challenging.
not that leading any other land is a piece of a cake.
but india is just particularly weird i think.
and so still.
even on a small scale. i wonder what programs can be (or have been) in place.
what it would take for people to stop shitting in the street. (ive also seen one too many bums lately...of the buttocks kind that is)
what it would take for a few more trashcans and for them to actually be used.
(though the "USE ME" statements really are entertaining)
michiko came up with the idea of paying people per bag of trash collected.
give the poor some work. and clean the place up.
i think its genius.
told her to write PM Singh.
if she wont. i will.
who knows how far it will get.
but even then i wonder.
where the hell will all those collected bags go then?
and this leads to the thought of US trash collection.
landfills, etc.
sure the streets are clean (well. relatively.)
but i doubt our consumption is any less.
we just put in in big piles in somewhat out of the way places and cover it up.
at least Indians are honest.

somewhat superficial thoughts.
amidst so many other concerns.
im currently reading a book on India-China relations (wild wild silly shit - love people. wheres the love?).
but then my cynicism rears its latte-addicted head and i simply feel the need to kick back and watch the world destroy itself.
though i think India would manage it in far prettier clothing.